I have tried my best to forget two days for this year, but somehow it was inevitable that I ended up getting through them most begrudingly...some things I guess will fade with time.
May 11 is the day that my ex-husband left, and May 21 is the day that our divorce became final. I almost made it through yesterday (one year after the divorce was final) without taking note of it.
I took my son to see Shrek 3, and I had asked someone if it would be movie that he would like and they said yes, but it was not really that the content was too old...but there were two things that I didn't know about that impacted my son...the first was there were too many villains together and the scene where that happened was a bit overwhelming for him, but before that, there was a scene where the characters were sitting around and talking about their dads leaving them and how they felt about everything.
My son took this very hard, and started to cry, even at this age and everything I do to try to make him feel differently he still feels things that I cannot fix...
It was what made yesterday so hard, and why I say that we almost made it through. I wish I would have known, but that is not something that people think about I guess when they are evaluating if a movie is ok for your young one.
Anyway, it wasn't anyone's fault, but it made for a harder day for me and my son. I talked him through things and got him to think about other good things, but it will not be a movie that we ever watch again.
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2 comments:
I think the those days are tough and I hope that you take courage in your faith for hope in this life - but yes, pain is always a tough pill to swallow and I can feel that in your words. I only hope that healing can happen as the time goes by between the both of you - but remember even forgiveness led Jesus to a 'cross' - I can't imagine what would of happened without forgiveness.
"I talked him through things and got him to think about other good things, but it will not be a movie that we ever watch again." (MyGarden)
I don't think you should shy him away from his feelings - even at this young of an age - since being enotionally healthy is part of our whole being. Maybe he should put these questions to his father also?
"Maybe he should put these questions to his father also?" I have honestly tried mentioning these things before, and it always ends up not being received well. At this time it has always been raised to me that I need to make sure that I am not requiring my son to take on things from an adult perspective. I have been dealing with the whole incident slowly over this week and getting my son to talk through what he is feeling with me as he mentions things, but I always take care to remember that he is only 3 years old too. At my son's age I don't want to him to carry the weight of the pain, but to learn how to feel ok about getting through the feelings. Initially, though it seems to overwhelm him and he just breaks down and cries. I like to give him time to be able to get over that feeling of being overwhelmed and then allow him to talk to me about it, but I want to make sure that he feels that I am listening to what he is feeling and why.
His dad is not consistent with some of his visits and I think that is wearing on my son, but I have mentioned these things to his dad already. It tends to make things worse if I try to press it to try to prioritize things. So, I have tended to mention things and then leave them...
I don't think my son can really articulate fully what he was feeling, because even now he is trying to forget how he felt in that moment by changing the subject when he mentions is by accident. I nudge him and tell him it is ok to tell me though.
It really is just the reality of divorce and the pain that children pay while being in the midst of living this in their life.
My son will be better later, when my boyfriend moves up here I think, because he will be here all of the time and that will help alleviate some of this, but there is nothing that can completely fix my son's deeper feelings on how this divorce affects him.
The best medicine at this point is telling him that he is loved and having him understand how completely God loves him and have him understand that reality and the depth of God's love for my son. In everything I have read and everything that I have asked for feedback from other who have grown up and lived through this lifetime of hurt it was only the deep understanding of God's love that gave the complete healing for the deep hurts that we as parents cannot even begin to touch because of divorce.
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