Safety

Its a funny thing...when the world gets hooked on something...(ie. a chat site, or etc.)...the tool becomes the one in control I think...there is a site that I sent a notice to people I know that has been verified as un secure and has had identity theft happen there...too high an incidence...I actually used the site, and felt uncomfortable myself...personal privacy...seemed non-existent...so I de-activated the account...and then found out how un secure it really was...but I found that some love the site, and insist that it is ok...but I guess that is what I have come to realize...that when the tool is in control it is hard to let go...I like my privacy though...so I will stick to what I feel good about.

Capable

What makes a person fully capable? Is it experience, past success, the confidence that comes with knowing that you will not be challenged while trying to make something work? Someone said they did not feel capable to me, and I suppose my experience has been that none of these are requirements...if you fail, and learn from the mistake, you are still capable...if you desire to make something work, but still do not do it perfectly...it does not mean you are not capable...the lack of doing is what makes someone without capacity...at times and at most people learn by doing...the reality is, that sometimes no matter how many times you do something you may never be the expert, but at least you know there is a good way to go about it...anyway...I don't feel very capable today, but I know I am willing, and for that I know I have ability and capacity to move forward...

Pictures

Well, I let my son take pictures, and he is pretty good for a four year old...LOL...anyway the pic of me here is one of his...he is doing good learning what the settings on a simple camera do...he loves it...especially when I develop his little adventure and he takes a look...maybe he will catch the photo bug too...what a little man

Awesome....!!!!

Well, I got a confirmation today that I have my tickets for convocation, things are definitely moving very quickly. I am gonna blink and the day will be here. I guess now I can take time to enjoy the moment...Wow!

Tickets for Convocation

Well, I finally found the way to request tickets on-line, and it seemed to accept my request...Glitch...I was sent an e-mail that said the deadline to request tickets was October 12, 2007...it seemed funny to me because the Administrative Office said that they would not even be mailing out the official letters to confirm convocation until this same date... anyway all in all I did what I could and we will see what happens...Oh Well....

Convocation

Convocation is October 27 and I am uncertain of how much of it I will be able to be part of ...I am in the middle of a busy time...not sure how this will work... guess I better see how this works.

Watching Foreign Movies

I have to say that foreign movies are my favorite...they always have a strange mix of reality, fantasy, humor and sadness...there are times when I think I need all of these things...it just seems comforting at times...I feel closer to this place also, it seems so strange to be caught up in the world around me...it helps me to slow down...I am uncertain why, but to each their own...eh?

Found a Home

Wow! I have found a home and what a relief, now just the logistics of transitioning and moving. I will be moved for certain by November 20, 2007, but maybe sooner.

Well, it just feels good!

Finding a Home

So, now the renovating is done...and what I had hoped to take a little over a week took almost 3 weeks. I have to admit although I spent every moment possible on this reno it just could not have gotten done any faster unless someone was hired to do it and work on it all day long for a good length of time.

All in all is was a good learning experience, and now I am going to have to find a place to live too. I had a place lined up, but found out the neighbors were not very good for children...so of course I didn't bother with that. I am back at square one with that...I made some financial adjustments hoping to get into affordable housing, but that fell apart too...now I need the money I let go of, but...there is nothing I can do to change that either...

So, in the long haul, I am getting used to some financial constraints, and need to find a place to live...I can't wait to find a place and relieve this weight I feel inside...

Here we go again, just more transitions...oh well...

Renovating

My friend and I are painting the condo I am living in, as it is going to be sold. I never thought that the things that we are doing to renovate were going to be so simple, but the salesperson at the paint store was so helpful that things seemed like it was going to be manageable. I actually have to give most of the credit to my friend who has been such a big help and I don't think I would have been able to get through this week without him.

A big shout out to my friend, "Perhaps," he is the best friend ever! Ha Ha Ha...Anyway, keeping busy and hoping to find a place to live soon too.

Applying to Graduate

So, here I am I have this in the back of my head to apply for my grad since I found out about passing my last class. It has been so busy and today was the first day that I have had a moment to do anything for my self, and just my luck the deadline to apply to graduate is tomorrow, WOW!...so needless to say I made a good effort to get it in today, under the wire...Woo Hoo!

Anyway, What luck Eh!

Relief in Spades

So, I wrote my last final for my degree, and I just found out "I pass"...my official grade will come later, but for now the relief I feel can be tied up in one phrase "relief in spades."

I feel so set free emotionally, and so set free physically, and so set free with regards to my time and life in general. I had such plans and have such plans for the time I can now invest with everything even more for my son, and the time I can now invest in me...I can finally work on me, and healing me, and my world as it were.

This summer and all of its challenges and all of its frustration has come to a close and this part of my life is at its sunset, and I am not sad, but I am ecstatic to be able to move on and have this done. I have projects that have been put on hold and things to do for my son that I can now pour my energy into, and not to forget I can spend some time just investing in healing my own physical body more, and restoring my soul.

Sounds like a mouthful, or future full, but at this point, I see a new morning, a new horizon, and a new and better day, and right now that I have had at least 4 nights of good rest between me and the end of this long hard road I have taken a good breath, and feel like I can take the moment it actually takes to take that breath in slowly and really enjoy taking a good breath of air in and enjoy how my lungs feel...what a difference!

I can't captivate how I feel in words, but it is so good...and maybe that is how I should just state it simply...it is just so good.

Good Words for a Tired Soul...

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the
life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"

When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!"

All right, now that you're done reading, send it on!

I think everyone should read this! "When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could you get that for me?"

Protocol for Children's Birthdays

So, I was calling a few of the parents of my son's friends. Along the way I talked to a friend during this and they mentioned that "you will probably only invite the 4 year olds anyway right?"

I had not thought of that, since my son gets along with a wide range of children in the age group category. I actually just wrote down the names of the kids that he mentioned that he wanted there without thinking about how old they were.

Is there some unspoken protocol out there that says that you stick to your child's age group when planning a children's Birthday party? That was the question in my mind, and of course there must be somewhere, but I said to my friend that I had already invited the children that my son named and that did not mean they were 4 years old...

Actually, it doesn't matter to me and I know it does not matter to my son, so I guess we are outide of protocol on this one...I guess I just never knew and never thought there were expectations of anyone.

Doesn't matter though, I will be glad to welcome any of his friends who wish to celebrate with them even if they are not 4 years old.

Actually, he even has adults that he treasures and they are coming too, hummmmm, but I think they are not a part of the children's age protocol thing...at least I am not aware of it...

Funny thing, I think this is where my world (kinship society) and the mainstream just collide, and I choose not to follow the mainstream...

Anyway, it was interesting...

Smoovey Moves

Here is my son...just a dancing away, and having a blast, and he says "Mommy, Mommy, I have smoovey moves, and continues to do his little...smoovey move." I just about lost it I laughed so hard.

I wish I had taped him, it was such a great sight too see...

I luv my bundle of joy!

God Tells Me Not To Eat

So, I think it is humanity even when we are young to try to alude to the fact that God would be the one to tell us we are to do something or direct us, when in reality it is just us trying to convince ourselves or others that it is divne that we should do something.

So, here is my son today and anounces to me when I said that he needs to eat supper, "God Tells Me Not To Eat." He laughed and ran away, and I had to laugh, and then scold him and let him know that he should not tell me that in that way. It was a joke, and I had the small thought about it, and shook my head.

Little boys and their rationality, they are a treasure.
LOL

Birthday...

Well, my son's Birthday is coming up quickly, and I still haven't decided on how we are going to do this. LOL...I dunno, I guess the first thing is that I am narrowing down who he wants there. I know that he wants to see his Uncle Mushom and Auntie Kokum, but for the rest of it...I am semi prepared as I have all the gifts and accessories.

I guess I will sort the final details this weekend...my bad...this summer has just flown by...

Oh Well,

Research

I had to go to the University Bookstore yesterday to see if I could get a book, but alas it was not there...but I took another little adventure instead...which is my ritual when I end up there.

I went to look at the children's books, crafts, and other fun things they seem to stock. I picked up a puzzle for my son and some First Nations story books for him. It was great I get to read to my son and buy some books in order to research what is already out in the market for First Nations Children's books at the same time.

I sat down to read them all last night, and by the end I was so relaxed that I actually just wanted to go to bed. Isn't that the way a bedtime story should feel I thought to myself. A nice little story that makes you feel like you are relaxed and whole.

Anyway, food for thought...I will look around some more, and with my meanderings I will be able to read my son a few wonderful stories too...

Cree Prophecy

When all the trees have been cut down,

when all the animals have been hunted,

when all the waters are polluted,

when all the air is unsafe to breathe,

only then will you discover you cannot eat money.

Cree Prophecy

Little Ones today and Little Men tomorrow

I was reading my son a devotional for kids, and the simple lesson was that sometimes people do things they should not do, and we can't do anything about it, but what we can do is to choose to play with someone safer.

It was quite a simple lesson, and I liked it. As adults we choose the same thing, if someone is not good for us in our lives and they just get us in trouble we can choose to be with someone else who will make more positive impacts in our lives.

It is a small lesson now, but my 3 year old will be a 10 year old and my 10 year old will be a 14 and 16 year old when these choices become alot harder. It is easier for him to learn how making better choices now, than to suddenly only learn that for the first time when he is older. It is just like the lesson that what you put inside emotionally is what you will be emotionally.

My son doesn't know how to make those choices right now for himself about inputing things emotionally so that he will be a better little man, so that is my job as a parent to watch what is a positive for him and a negative. He reacts differently to different things because of his life experiences. It is sad that a three year old has already major experiences that impact him this deeply, but it does because of divorce. He is alright, but there are things that bother him that don't bother other kids just because of it. He will never watch Shrek because of it, and not entirely because of the cartoon itself but because of Shrek 3 really.

I had asked friends about the movie, but you know other kids don't go through the same thing as your own so you can't always know...but now I do...so I know better.

If I let him watch whatever and didn't care and never had any boundaries on what went into him I would end up with a whole load of behavioural problems. It would not just be a huge thing to deal with for me but it would also be a problem for my son, because he is not old enough to understand that what he is watching is what is causing him problems. My son would also have other issues at pre-school, which has happened from time to time, and I have done what I know how to do to help him through and make changes too. It is not anyone else's fault, but it is the environment that I allow and that environment that I have to correct after the fact at times that I have to work with, and lovingly do.

It is not a gift to our children to blame the world for their idiosyncracies, and teach them it is us against the world, because then it is a lesson that the they have a right to act poorly and to treat people poorly and that our children do not have a responsibility to be well themselves.

It is not a good lesson for success, so in my own small ways, I am glad for little stories that help me teach my son in a simple way that there are simple choices that we can make to make our lives better. To add to that it is up to me to help him make better choices and understand in small ways that if he is scared of something that he can say so, and not have to agree with anyone else just because and choose not to watch something too.

He will be a very understanding little man and a very sensitive one, and that is not bad, because he is my son and I understand that he gets some of the sensitivity from me so I have to help him manage that better too.

Life is a learning time, moment to moment to moment, and we are just the guides along the way, and the people responsible for helping to keep our little ones safe, the best we can...

Being Greatful

I have a friend from work who just had her baby 6 weeks ago, and they discovered that her little girl had complications. Today, her little one has gone through a major operation, and thankfully is doing extremely well for being put through something so hard.

I have heard about so many mothers recently that have gone through such hard times with their children because of ailment. It makes you appreciate the health that your child enjoys...

Life is fragile, and it is amazing every time I think about how blessed I am that my son is well...