Roadmap to True Change

There are very definite beliefs about the totem pole, but if I look at just the process of the totem pole...to me it means identifying a road that needs to be taken for change, and every cut of the carvers hand is drawing the map of the direction and the steps on that road to change. My personal belief is in the cross, and verse that comes to mind is writing the word on the tables of your heart. If we spent time carving these words into our lives and fulfilling them in love in order to create REAL change then we would see an absolute change in our lives. I looked up the twelve steps and made a general copy of them here, but they contain a simple plan for change that anyone could make. I believe this because it goes beyond lip service and it requires the indivdual to go beyond an apology that can be easily spoken and forgotten in the next breath.


STEP ONE: Who's boss -- them or the action that is troubling your life? (The above qualification should pretty much answer the first half of the step)…That our lives had become unmanageable, not only the action that is troubling our life -- all phases of our existence were and are unmanageable. It stands to reason that if we can't manage our lives and we are acting in a manner that is not very sane (unmanageability is not sane living) then we have to take…

STEP TWO: Come to believe that a power GREATER than ourselves, something other than us can manage our lives. A power that can bring sanity back to the way we live. Who are we to believe that WE are the greatest? When we did Step 1, we admitted that we couldn't manage our own lives. When we took Step 2, we said that someone greater than us could manage us and restore us. We needed new to have a new manager, a living, loving God.

STEP THREE: We made the decision that we needed to come under new management since our own management got us nowhere. So we turn our wills and lives over to the care of our new manager -- Jesus. He will take care of us and manage our lives since we admitted in Step 1 that our lives were unmanageable, and in Step 2, that He could restore us to a manageable state and sanity. At this point get down on your knees… and say: "Lord, I ask that You guide and direct me, and that I have decided to turn my will and life over to You. To serve You and dedicate my life to You. I ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ. I thank you Lord; I believe that if I ask this in prayer, I shall receive what I have asked for. Thank you Jesus. Amen."

Now that I have gone under new management, I believe what it says in the Big Book at the end of the Steps in How It Works:
A: I have been acting in a way that has caused constant trouble in my life, and I could not manage my own life,
B: No human power could RELIEVE the troubles that I was causing in my own life,
C: GOD COULD AND WOULD IF HE WERE SOUGHT!!!!!
Then I have to take an inventory.

STEP FOUR: Take a searching and fearless moral inventory. I must find out what I've got, what I need to get rid of, and what I need to acquire. There are 20 character defects to ask about -- the individual wrongs are not necessary to go over, just the defects that caused them. Going over the questions, I must be honest and admit my defects to myself, to one other person, and to God (where two or more are gathered in His name, there shall He be.) By admitting, the person also takes.

STEP FIVE: The inventory is of our defects, not our incidents. Here are the defects:
1 Resentment, Anger
2 Fear, Cowardice
3 Self pity
4 Self justification
5 Self importance, Egotism
6 Self condemnation, Guilt
7 Lying, Evasiveness, Dishonesty
8 Impatience
9 Hate
10 False pride, Phoniness, Denial
11 Jealousy
12 Envy
13 Laziness
14 Procrastination
15 Insincerity
16 Negative Thinking
17 Immoral thinking
18 Perfectionism, Intolerance
19 Criticizing, Loose Talk, Gossip
20 Greed

Now that you've admitted these defects, ask, "Don't you want to get rid of them?" These same defects caused your life to be unmanageable. How can you ask God to get rid of the THINGS you did in your past? YOU CAN'T!! You can ask to get rid of the defects, which caused you to act in the manner you did by taking…

STEP SIX: You were ENTIRELY ready (not almost, not just about, not partially) to have God remove ALL (not some) of these defects. He cannot remove things that have already happened. You are ready to get rid of ALL of them, even the ones that are fun. REMEMBER, YOU TURNED YOUR WILL AND LIFE OVER TO GOD IN STEP THREE. Now comes…

STEP SEVEN: On your knees you ask that these defects be removed, these shortcomings listed in your inventory… "I humbly ask you oh Lord, to remove my shortcomings and forgive me, my sins and trespasses, and ask in all humility that you will remove my defects and shortcomings because I am one of your children and I truly believe. Thank you Jesus, Amen."

STEP EIGHT: You make a list of all persons you have harmed, starting with yourself, family, friends, employers, employees, etc. If the person was involved in the occult, God's forgiveness must be asked. We discuss briefly this list, and ask if they are willing to make restitution and amends. Then restitution is made to all as soon as possible, except in certain instances where it is turned over to God. They will have done STEP NINE: by making restitution. After doing these 9 steps, your slate is wiped clean. You are reborn as it says in the Big Book on page 63, "We were reborn." II Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are passed away; behold, all things are made new!

STEP TEN: We continued to take personal inventory every night: did you harm anyone, have you done something wrong? Do you deserve a gold star or a black mark? You ask forgiveness honestly, and all is forgiven by the Lord -- clean slate. When you are wrong, promptly admit it. When you don't, use the inventory at night to do so. Deal with your life by the four absolutes: ABSOLUTE LOVE, ABSOLUTE HONESTY, ABSOLUTE UNSELFISHNESS, and ABSOLUTE PURITY. Did you act out of Love? Were you honest? Were you unselfish? Were your motives pure? All things must be based on these four things…

STEP ELEVEN: Prayer is talking to God -- meditation is listening to Him. Pray, go to church, read the bible, read the Big Book. Get to know the Word of God so that you will understand it when you meditate. Thy will, not mine, be done!!!!

STEP TWELVE: A spiritual awakening is THE RESULT of working, doing, and LIVING, ALL of the 12 Steps! Then you have this message to carry to others. There is no message unless you have done the first 9 Steps and are living the last three. You can't give what you don't have. You must practice these principles in ALL your affairs.

Now it is your responsibility to give this message to others as you have received it. Not changed, watered down, or how others may want it in their lives. If they want what you have, they must do what you did. It is now your legacy to hand down, AS IT WAS GIVEN TO YOU -- NO OTHER WAY!!!!

There is no easier, softer way -- this is it. This is the PROGRAM OF RECOVERY

Don't trudge the Happy Road to Recovery; walk with your head high, knowing that through you, God will help others to RECOVER as you have. May God bless and be with you.

Currently: Reading, Watching and Listening to

Teach Me How To Love You, Thomas Weeks III

What A Man Wants, What A Woman Needs, Eddie Long

Between Two Worlds, By ELIZABETH MARQUARDT...http://www.betweentwoworlds.org/

Watching DVDs, by TD Jakes: Night Seasons, Held By a Nail, and Fight for the Family, The Doubting Disciple

Listening to, by Dr. Juanita Bynum Weeks and Thomas Weeks III : Pride Is Just Too Expensive, and Pride Vs The Proverbs 31 Woman

Ex-Etiquette For Parents

Parents Are Forever,
(a step by step guide to becoming successful coparents after divorce) Shirley Thomas, Ph.D.

Choice Theory

The last three are not books I have delved into yet, but they seemed interesting and may have bits that are needful. A time to build a foundation that is not of sand and a building that is not made of glass.

Truth

You can't convince a man of truth or reality who is drunk on his own decision ...the only truth that he is willing to see is the truth that he perceives.

http://www.betweentwoworlds.org/

Choice Theory

Choice Theory- states that all we do is behave, that almost all behavior is chosen, and that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs. Choice Theory (and the Seven Caring Habits) is offered to replace external control psychology (and the Seven Deadly Habits), the present psychology of almost all the people in the world. Unfortunately, this forcing, punishing psychology is destructive to relationships. When used in a relationship it will always destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship, and will result in people becoming disconnected from those with whom they want to be connected. Disconnectedness is the source of almost all human problems, such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal and child abuse, to mention a few.

Seven Caring Habits:

Supporting
Encouraging
Listening
Accepting
Trusting
Respecting
Negotiating differences


Seven Deadly Habits:

Criticizing
Blaming
Complaining
Nagging
Threatening
Punishing
Bribing or rewarding to control


The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory:

1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
7. All we do is behave.
8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.

Being able to Be in the Moment - Aging

I was reading for one of my classes and I was reading an article about Death and Dying. It was an article that was assigned because of something that I had to respond to on the demographics of our aging society. The following statement was included in the article,

"The elderly have possiblities in the future, they have their realities in the past--the deeds done, the loved ones loved, and, last but not least, the sufferings they have gone through with courage and dignity. In a word, they have already brought in the harvest of their lives and now may, as it has been said in the Book of Job, come to their graves, "like a shock of corn cometh in his season. (Generations 15, 7-10 (Fall 1990) Viktor Frankl pg. 421-429)"

I also read another statement included that inferred that the length of life is not what is important, but "the richnesss of the respective life."

I like the first statement because to me it really supported my view of life...if I am able to look back at what I have gone through and know that I have done so with a sense of knowing that I was able to live a life that I can feel good about then I know that no matter how long I had or have it was all good. How many of us think about life from the view that we are not just getting old, we are not just losing time, but we are building something...but what have we built? Perhaps, that is the more serious thing to think about.

Amongst all of the readings another thought that came out was one that said if you live your life fully knowing that this is the best chance that you have with the choices that you make and take the time to "really" understand the magnitude and reality of what your choices will create then you will have a life will little regret. Regret comes from a person's choices that they did not fully appreciate before they made them and then when the fullness of what those choices gave birth to came to being or created was fully realized, regret was then born. The thought was by these thinkers and the advice of them were to "live knowing the full balance of your choice," and at that point fulling realizing what would be the outcome and you will be less likely to regret what happens.

It is true, and I see a lot of people caught up in despair and depression, because they refuse to count the cost as it were, and then they live a life that they really don't want.

It is hard sometimes to take the time to weigh and balance all of the costs, but it is easier when you are not the only one who will pay for your choices.

It was a good set of articles.

Learning

I was thinking through some situations over the past few weeks, and the thought that came to me was, "sometimes the only way something is learned is through grief."

I know that is not the thing that anyone wants to hear, but through observing many situations over the last few months it just seems to be true.

Huge Arctic ice break discovered

Arctic landscape, Canada (Image: Science Photo Library)
Ellesmere island is about 800km (500 miles) from the North Pole
Scientists have discovered that an enormous ice shelf broke off an island in the Canadian Arctic last year, in what could be sign of global warming.

It is said to be the largest break in 25 years, casting an ice floe with an area of 66 sq km (25 square miles).

It occurred in August 2005 but was only recently detected on satellite images.

The chunk of ice bigger than Manhattan could wreak havoc if it moves into oil drilling regions and shipping lanes next summer, scientists warned.

For something that large to move that quickly is quite amazing
Luke Copland, University of Ottawa

"The Arctic is all frozen up for the winter and it's stuck in the sea ice about 50km (30 miles) off the coast," said Luke Copland, an assistant professor at the University of Ottawa.

"The risk is that next summer, as that sea ice melts, this large ice island can then move itself around off the coast and one potential path for it is to make its way westward toward the Beaufort Sea where there is lots of oil and gas exploration, oil rigs and shipping."

'Quite amazing'

The ice break was initially undetected due to the remoteness of the northern coast of Ellesmere island, which is about 800km (500 miles) from the North Pole.

Satellite images showed the 15km (9mile) crack, then the ice floating about 1km (0.6 miles) from the coast within about an hour, said Mr Copland, a specialist in glaciers and ice masses.

"You could stand at one edge and not see the other side, and for something that large to move that quickly is quite amazing," he said.

Mr Copland said a combination of low accumulations of sea ice around the edges of the ice mass, as well as the Arctic's warmest temperatures on record, contributed to the break.

The region was 3C (5.4F) above average in the summer of 2005, he said.

Ice shelves in Canada's far north have shrunk by as much as 90% since 1906.

"It's hard to tie one event to climate change, but when you look at the longer-term trend, the bigger picture, we've lost a lot of ice shelves on northern Ellesmere in the past century.

"This is that continuing and this is the biggest one in the last 25 years," he said.

Accessed on the World Wide Web on January 1, 2007:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6218333.stm?ls