Listening

For years now I have heard the Elders talk about what leads to healing within the communities, but time and time again I see the words land on deaf ears. I also hear empty words spoken by this generation, where they speak about wanting to change the world or create a different legacy.

How do you change the future? If you don't want to get the same results then you have to do things differently. I have heard this statement over and over and over again. The next one I have engrained in my head is that if you require nothing you will get nothing.

Today, once again, I heard the Elders get adamant and very clearly state what they walked away from "completely," in order to change the tide and to enter a time of healing for their children in order to change the generation they could influence.

It came back to things that many addicts make excuses to keep a part of their lives, and they spoke over and over and over again today. If heaven could have rumbled and thundered with their words it would have broken from their cry. They said over and over again...I changed my life, and I left drinking, smoking, drugs and other abuses behind, I changed my life, in order to change and have a life of healing for my children.

I am disliked by some because I have a zero tolerance for alcohol for my life and the life I expose my son to, and I am highly criticized for this. Yet, the cry of the Elders is not quiet in the corner, and it is not silent in their homes, it is clear and distinct...it is, this generation, MUST CHANGE THEIR LIVES. It is to SAVE OUR YOUTH and OUR CHILDREN.

We have the keys and the knowledge to give our children a better legacy, but I know too well why it takes generations to move away from these addictions. If a child is born into severe abuse and alcohol abuse and they are introduced early and on a constant basis with alcohol then they will grow up looking for a way to rationalize the use of alcohol, addictions, and other abuses.

It is hard to change, and it takes generations sometimes in order to get away from this foundation in homes. I have a friend who said that she doesn't look at her family as having a problem when they have to drink until they are blacked out, because she has grown up with it. This person was not physically abused, and grew up drinking from a young age, so the hurt that it causes has not reached the central part of who she it yet. Although, this person describes neglecting her child.

The statistics are high for children who end up in the Foster System because of neglect. So, even though she grew up thinking that the alcohol has not affected her or her life, it is just around the corner if at the wrong moment and the wrong time her child could be taken by the Foster System. I hope within my heart that it never happens, but you cannot convince someone of the pain that they may go through. I have seen so many people who don't get things until they end up with a tragedy from their choices. It is unfortunate that far too many people make excuses and rationalize the need to drink and continue with other abuses instead of remembering the nightmare that they went through because of them.

I have seen generation after generation get swept away because of what I call the "denial file." The denial is necessary, because if you can look away from the very real affects of using alcohol, and continuing with addictions then you can continue to use the things that have control over your life.

It almost had me in tears to listen to the Elders, and then watch some youth laughing at them as they made their statements that they changed because they wanted healing for this generation. The statements ended with saying I did it because I love you. It was hurtful to see them laugh, because after living a lifetime of knowing what these things do this generation as generations before live in a "denial file."

Can we really just dabble in addictions? Can we really make excuses and expect others not to pay the price? Can we remember back to our own childhood which was devastating and remember TRULY why the hurt existed? If we make excuses about it today, will that change tomorrow? If we continue to deal with life from the use of substances that cause abuse can we expect a better legacy? Do we need alcohol, other substances and abuses in order to cope? How can we say that we are who we are and disrespect our Elders? How can we say that we are honoring the truth, and we turn our backs on the TRUTH that they give us?

I hear from some, I am not beating anyone, I am not sexually abusing anyone, I am not doing drugs? All the big items that are considered taboo, but they are neglecting a child, they have no accountability, and there are no boundaries in life...So, if we are spending dollars on alcohol and addictions, but we are still not doing the major taboo items, have we made the change that is necessary to show this generation how to live a life where they have EVERYTHING good that they could have, or have we just dressed the problems down a bit, and wrapped them in different paper. Is the foundation of excuses and level of alcohol use, substance use, addictions, and other abuses at a minimum enough to be dismissed? Although, the truth is that no trauma, pain, or abuse of a child or your family should be minimized and swept under the rug...shouldn't we have a no tolerance policy for abusing the next generation and taking their lives from them before or during their development when they are in our care?

We all go through hardship, but to have this as an excuse...it is not something that should even flow through minds of caregivers. Where does real change begin? One person said it is with a 180 degree turn, which means turning away from those things that fed into the abuse and the pain that was already experienced. It is not indicitive to our people, it is indicitive to all people, to deny, and to want to keep "just a bit," of the addiction.

Yet, if we keep, "just a bit," are we listening?

So, if these are the gifts that are given, what kind of generation have we got...we have 27,000 of our own people in a Foster System and gone from our communities. 80% of the children in care in our lands are our own people. So, if I asked you How is this working for us? How are we measuring up? How is what we are doing making a difference? Have we listened to the Elders? Have we made REAL CHANGE? Yes, poverty, yes, abuse from the past, and yes poor housing...but does that give this generation an excuse when they know how they were destroyed to continue to do the same, and not make resolve to give a different legacy, but way of excuses. We can't change our neighbor, but it DOES start with us. I have zero tolerance for alcohol, I have zero tolerance for substance abuse and I have zero tolerance for physical abuse, and it is my personal choice to have it as such for what I require of myself. I can only put the protection up for my child as the law allows me to do so...I know I cannot protect him from life, but I can provide him a place of safety and a better chance to move forward with less struggles emotionally than I had because of being abused. It is my commitment. What is the commitment of this generation from ourselves to those that we love? Is it REAL change, or is it the same thing as was given to us, but just wrapped differently (minimized addictions)? WHERE IS REAL CHANGE?

I hear about groups that make people feel good, but in all of the feeling good and fuzzy peach feelings I have seen very few people come back to commit to their children. Too many fuzzy feelings, too many excuses, too many its not your fault, and too many people who choose things because they cannot put themself aside long enough to take care of the gift that God gave them, their child.

Life is too short to say to give excuses, life is too short to say I will make things up to them, life is too short when you are so busy writing your denial file that you lose your child.

Today, was a day that I never want to forget

Cloths of Heaven

Cloths of Heaven
~
Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,Enwrought with golden and silver light,The blue and the dim and the dark clothsOf night and light and the half light,I would spread the cloths under your feet:But I, being poor, have only my dreams;I have spread my dreams under your feet;Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
- W.B.Yeats

Two Days to Forget

I have tried my best to forget two days for this year, but somehow it was inevitable that I ended up getting through them most begrudingly...some things I guess will fade with time.

May 11 is the day that my ex-husband left, and May 21 is the day that our divorce became final. I almost made it through yesterday (one year after the divorce was final) without taking note of it.

I took my son to see Shrek 3, and I had asked someone if it would be movie that he would like and they said yes, but it was not really that the content was too old...but there were two things that I didn't know about that impacted my son...the first was there were too many villains together and the scene where that happened was a bit overwhelming for him, but before that, there was a scene where the characters were sitting around and talking about their dads leaving them and how they felt about everything.

My son took this very hard, and started to cry, even at this age and everything I do to try to make him feel differently he still feels things that I cannot fix...

It was what made yesterday so hard, and why I say that we almost made it through. I wish I would have known, but that is not something that people think about I guess when they are evaluating if a movie is ok for your young one.

Anyway, it wasn't anyone's fault, but it made for a harder day for me and my son. I talked him through things and got him to think about other good things, but it will not be a movie that we ever watch again.

Two Classes Left

Well, today is a good day, last night I went to my second last class for my Bachelors's Degree in Commerce. Wow, did it feel great to hear the Professor anounce that we are one third of the way through this class already, and I looked we even get a week's break in between this class. It was so good to hear things. I got my marks back and it is official I made it through last term, and Yes!, I definitely am sooooooo, close to being done.
It is so tremendous to be this close, and it feels great.

Golf

So, today was the first time that I went out with staff and golfed. I actually didn't mind it for the first time, I guess I had a stigma against the game because of thihngs over the past few years. It was actually very nice today though, I was told that I was a natural, and I can shoot very straight and the ball goes where I want it to go. The comment was that I should practice if I like the game because it seems to come naturally to me. I guess I refused to try before because of some things, but it was nice to hear. It is not something that after I have played for the first time and I just want to spend all of my time doing, because as soon as we were done I just wanted to spend time with my son. I got my dad to drive my son out to the Berry Barn and we ran around there. It was when I was with my son again and we were running around that I felt sooooo very good about the day, not that the time with my co-workers wasn't good, but golf was fun for the time while I spent it with them relaxing, but definitely not a passion.

It makes me care about my friend more and more, because we are both just like that...we care about people, and that is first and foremost...
Not that golfers, and other avid sports enthusiasts care less, but I do notice that I don't really tie into anything and allow it to capture me solely...I don't see that as a bad thing either. Although, I should digress, because my son has captured me soley, hmmmm, probably just a perspective thing, now that I really think about it...I just like my friend's perspective a whole lot too...

Life eh!