Now, there is some things you just can't avoid, but I had a phone call a couple nights ago, and by the end of the call I said it on the phone and I also said it to a very close friend of mine that I don't need the drama.
If I had been at another point in my life, perhaps I would have wanted to try to see what I needed to do. At the end of the day right now though I am simply just walking away. It has been a very long two years, and I just don't have any more to feed into these kinds of things any more.
I would have to be honest and say that I cried, and wished that people would just learn to be honest and honorable instead of trying to save themselves and lie. A lie only brings destroying things into you life, and it will eventually surface as to what the truth was. Simply put, just tell the truth and you will get what you give in life.
There is nothing left for me to do...and I suppose if I hadn't been through so much I might try and help more, but perhaps this is destiny to happen at this exact moment, just so I won't.
I feel good today, I was a bit rocky yesterday morning, but I worked through it, because I had just gotten two phones calls of drama the night before (not as bad as I have expienced before, so it was really low key...if you compare it to what it could have been - thankfully, we were just two adults who realized we both needed to understand), but at the end of the day...life goes on.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Destiny of a Child
My son picks up on everything around him, and he copies most everything. He copies the words people use, and the way people do things, and he does much of this copying from me as his parent. He picks up when something upsets me too, and he talks like that to try to get my attention or he tells me to talk nicely.
Children pick up everything, and I am always reminded that in order to change the destiny of my son I have to change the reality and the inputs whether verbal, emotional, or physical that I am giving to my son. His legacy will only change with my commitment to give him a solid imprint from me. If I want a different outcome for him as a legacy then I have to be better for him to learn from.
I can't be perfect, and he will see me be human, but the best things that I can do is to teach him to talk in a way that respects everyone, to treat others in a respectful way (remembering that he needs to treat people how he would also like to be treated), and to remember God is with him and knows all he does, and to honor him with everything that he does.
Life has no perfect mold, but the reality is if we don't make a conscious effort to change the inputs that gave us a legacy that caused pain, then we won't get a different reality. I require something different, because I want a different result. It is said that to do that same thing over and over again and expect a different result is insanity. It is true, and I am trying to do things differently to get a different result.
I can't do it all, but my effort is conscious.
Reality, Truth, Love, Trust and Honor...words that are easily said, but not always easily taught...everyday, little by little, and one small lesson at a time...that is how I see sowing into the life of children.
Some people believe it doesn't matter what you invest into children, because they will turn out the way they will turn out. The truth is that TRUE Character can be instilled, and once it is settled in someone it is hard to change the tide. None of us know the complete reality of who our children are, and if we add a bit of nonesense, and a bit of addiction, and a bit of this old habit, or this bad habit, and say that in the end it will do no harm...but how then do you paint the picture of your child's life. We can't all be perfect, but a conscious effort will be seen by our children and they will try to genuinely be caring people with good character.
It is a gift to raise a child to be a person who inspires trust, and who is seen as a person of character, and a person who genuinely does their best to take care of the responsibilities that they have. If we do all we can then we have given our child a true gift, because at the end of the day it will bring them success, honor, and a life of caring that will surround them. It is what I wish for my son, from a mother's heart. It is what I truly want for my son.
Children pick up everything, and I am always reminded that in order to change the destiny of my son I have to change the reality and the inputs whether verbal, emotional, or physical that I am giving to my son. His legacy will only change with my commitment to give him a solid imprint from me. If I want a different outcome for him as a legacy then I have to be better for him to learn from.
I can't be perfect, and he will see me be human, but the best things that I can do is to teach him to talk in a way that respects everyone, to treat others in a respectful way (remembering that he needs to treat people how he would also like to be treated), and to remember God is with him and knows all he does, and to honor him with everything that he does.
Life has no perfect mold, but the reality is if we don't make a conscious effort to change the inputs that gave us a legacy that caused pain, then we won't get a different reality. I require something different, because I want a different result. It is said that to do that same thing over and over again and expect a different result is insanity. It is true, and I am trying to do things differently to get a different result.
I can't do it all, but my effort is conscious.
Reality, Truth, Love, Trust and Honor...words that are easily said, but not always easily taught...everyday, little by little, and one small lesson at a time...that is how I see sowing into the life of children.
Some people believe it doesn't matter what you invest into children, because they will turn out the way they will turn out. The truth is that TRUE Character can be instilled, and once it is settled in someone it is hard to change the tide. None of us know the complete reality of who our children are, and if we add a bit of nonesense, and a bit of addiction, and a bit of this old habit, or this bad habit, and say that in the end it will do no harm...but how then do you paint the picture of your child's life. We can't all be perfect, but a conscious effort will be seen by our children and they will try to genuinely be caring people with good character.
It is a gift to raise a child to be a person who inspires trust, and who is seen as a person of character, and a person who genuinely does their best to take care of the responsibilities that they have. If we do all we can then we have given our child a true gift, because at the end of the day it will bring them success, honor, and a life of caring that will surround them. It is what I wish for my son, from a mother's heart. It is what I truly want for my son.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Easter Eggs
What I learned Today?
Today I learned about Easter Eggs
And about a story that is very true
At Easter time I run and play to find Easter Eggs
But I know they mean much more
Did you know? That the Easter eggs mean new life
I spend time decorating them to make them sparkle bright
I make them look special
To take time to remember
Jesus and the gift of life He gave
So, 12 days before Easter, each day is special
Because, each day holds a story of Jesus Love
About the Easter Blessing
And the Gift of new life that Jesus Gave
So, with each day
So, with each story
So, with each egg I make
I remember, the special gift of new life
So, remember that Easter means new life
Just like an egg holds life
New life sparkles just like my Easter Eggs
New life, love, and forgiveness – that is What Easter is
Written for my son who is learning more and more every day about Jesus, and what He means…A Mother (March 19, 2007)
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Good Faith
Its funny how people are...I warned someone that I could not deal with the things that they were wanting me to deal with right now...I have too many things to sort out emotionally (some grief, some commitments, other things are just pressures from school to be done my classes this term, along with a whole pile of other issues).
It fell on deaf ears, and it ended badly...as I knew it would...because the agenda that was presented and the reasons for the agenda were not honest, there was a hidden agenda, and that is unfortunate.
It is irrelavant now though, and the reality is that simple conversations escalated and went from bad to worse. I just don't have any more emotionally to try to make it better right now.
I suppose me knowing that doesn't matter at all, and at least for now things have stopped. I just wanted rest for awhile, and now perhaps even if it was in a bad way, I will have a rest until June. It was not the way I had originally asked for the rest, but life goes on, and we just survive the bruises it gives.
Being understood to me means that if I ask for space to grieve and I explain in a meaningful way why then the actions should follow that I am understood. Perhaps I have the wrong understanding of being understood.
It is funny I work with many groups of people and we negotiate terms and conditions all the time in order to come to an agreement to act in good faith, and this all felt like it was just the opposite of good faith.
If the parties agree, and the agreements are constantly broken or challenged or threatened then that is not deemed good faith. It does not matter how many smiles people come to the table with or how many compliments are shared, if the action does not follow suit with what was promised or agreed to then that is seen as bad faith. We never approach a group of people by stating in writing that we make a commitment to act properly and respectfully and that we will hold up our part of the bargain, and then months later break our word as it suits us or as we see it needs to suit us to break the bargain because now we feel like it is no longer convenient for us anymore. The changing of agreements is done mutually and with all of the information necessary, and good faith stands when things are done up front. We do not inform each other that it is inconvenient for us to act in good faith anymore, therefore we will not be acting in good faith. What a destroying thing that would be if we came to the table and that was the kind of people we really were "all talk, but broke our agreements when it is convenient for us to do so."
My son is the most important part of my life, and it hurts intensely when things like this keep happening on top of what I am already sorting through emotionally.
I talked to my counsellor about it, and he said that I need to be careful not to consume me, and this is my way of shelving it. It is hard, but that is what I do on a routine basis right now, I tend to shelve things because I don't have the emotional space to work things out. I just don't want all of the boxes to fall on me. I want to be able to get through them and leave them behind one by one instead once and for all. Maybe someday, perhaps, maybe...
Anyway, back to trying to read at least a few pages a night on "The Speed of Trust"...
I just got a call from someone who was close to my mom, and we get calls quite often where people will mention her, but there are those significant calls where people were really close to her.
We just talked a little about her and cried, because we miss my mom so much...it helps to get through these times to be able to talk with those that loved her that much and just cry a bit...I loved my mom...she went through so much in her life, and never lost her smile...she was not one for many words, but the times she shared she was able to help those that were hurting...my mom and her mom (my grandma) were very alike...they went through times of extreme hardship and never broke and never lost their quiet ways or their smiles...I remember my grandmother sharing with me things that she says that she never told anyone else...I wish I was as strong as both of them...I miss them so much...I can't even put into words how this feels, I wanted to take time to remember them and not have to worry about other things as much, I have to concentrate on school, my job, and my son, but I wanted to be relieved of the other demands so that I could have the time to remember...
I thought that wasn't too much to ask...it apparently was...life will go on, and maybe someday I will have mercy to do just that have time to take time to remember...
It fell on deaf ears, and it ended badly...as I knew it would...because the agenda that was presented and the reasons for the agenda were not honest, there was a hidden agenda, and that is unfortunate.
It is irrelavant now though, and the reality is that simple conversations escalated and went from bad to worse. I just don't have any more emotionally to try to make it better right now.
I suppose me knowing that doesn't matter at all, and at least for now things have stopped. I just wanted rest for awhile, and now perhaps even if it was in a bad way, I will have a rest until June. It was not the way I had originally asked for the rest, but life goes on, and we just survive the bruises it gives.
Being understood to me means that if I ask for space to grieve and I explain in a meaningful way why then the actions should follow that I am understood. Perhaps I have the wrong understanding of being understood.
It is funny I work with many groups of people and we negotiate terms and conditions all the time in order to come to an agreement to act in good faith, and this all felt like it was just the opposite of good faith.
If the parties agree, and the agreements are constantly broken or challenged or threatened then that is not deemed good faith. It does not matter how many smiles people come to the table with or how many compliments are shared, if the action does not follow suit with what was promised or agreed to then that is seen as bad faith. We never approach a group of people by stating in writing that we make a commitment to act properly and respectfully and that we will hold up our part of the bargain, and then months later break our word as it suits us or as we see it needs to suit us to break the bargain because now we feel like it is no longer convenient for us anymore. The changing of agreements is done mutually and with all of the information necessary, and good faith stands when things are done up front. We do not inform each other that it is inconvenient for us to act in good faith anymore, therefore we will not be acting in good faith. What a destroying thing that would be if we came to the table and that was the kind of people we really were "all talk, but broke our agreements when it is convenient for us to do so."
My son is the most important part of my life, and it hurts intensely when things like this keep happening on top of what I am already sorting through emotionally.
I talked to my counsellor about it, and he said that I need to be careful not to consume me, and this is my way of shelving it. It is hard, but that is what I do on a routine basis right now, I tend to shelve things because I don't have the emotional space to work things out. I just don't want all of the boxes to fall on me. I want to be able to get through them and leave them behind one by one instead once and for all. Maybe someday, perhaps, maybe...
Anyway, back to trying to read at least a few pages a night on "The Speed of Trust"...
I just got a call from someone who was close to my mom, and we get calls quite often where people will mention her, but there are those significant calls where people were really close to her.
We just talked a little about her and cried, because we miss my mom so much...it helps to get through these times to be able to talk with those that loved her that much and just cry a bit...I loved my mom...she went through so much in her life, and never lost her smile...she was not one for many words, but the times she shared she was able to help those that were hurting...my mom and her mom (my grandma) were very alike...they went through times of extreme hardship and never broke and never lost their quiet ways or their smiles...I remember my grandmother sharing with me things that she says that she never told anyone else...I wish I was as strong as both of them...I miss them so much...I can't even put into words how this feels, I wanted to take time to remember them and not have to worry about other things as much, I have to concentrate on school, my job, and my son, but I wanted to be relieved of the other demands so that I could have the time to remember...
I thought that wasn't too much to ask...it apparently was...life will go on, and maybe someday I will have mercy to do just that have time to take time to remember...
Saturday, March 10, 2007
The Speed of Trust (READ IT...a golden book)
Here is my next book that I think I will force time to read, I feel compelled to read it, and the title intrigues me...
I understand deeply what this topic is, and have a hard time in this area because of being burned...
Well, here is my crack at re-building again, anyway...next steps...
I understand deeply what this topic is, and have a hard time in this area because of being burned...
Well, here is my crack at re-building again, anyway...next steps...
Friday, March 2, 2007
Other Reading...
Well, I have picked up a plethera of books...well maybe not a plethera, but a few anyway...
I just got my latest purchase in the mail called The 7 habits of Highly Effective Families.
I also bought a pre-curser book to this one, I think it was called 7 habits of Highly effective people...
Anyway, at some point, I am going to be able to delve into these...My boyfriend is coming this summer and it would be nice to have some of this read and be able to feel a little more normal again before he gets here.
Reading is great it is the implementation that is hard, in emotional life...
Anyway, off to the races again...
I just got my latest purchase in the mail called The 7 habits of Highly Effective Families.
I also bought a pre-curser book to this one, I think it was called 7 habits of Highly effective people...
Anyway, at some point, I am going to be able to delve into these...My boyfriend is coming this summer and it would be nice to have some of this read and be able to feel a little more normal again before he gets here.
Reading is great it is the implementation that is hard, in emotional life...
Anyway, off to the races again...
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