Finding a Home

So, now the renovating is done...and what I had hoped to take a little over a week took almost 3 weeks. I have to admit although I spent every moment possible on this reno it just could not have gotten done any faster unless someone was hired to do it and work on it all day long for a good length of time.

All in all is was a good learning experience, and now I am going to have to find a place to live too. I had a place lined up, but found out the neighbors were not very good for children...so of course I didn't bother with that. I am back at square one with that...I made some financial adjustments hoping to get into affordable housing, but that fell apart too...now I need the money I let go of, but...there is nothing I can do to change that either...

So, in the long haul, I am getting used to some financial constraints, and need to find a place to live...I can't wait to find a place and relieve this weight I feel inside...

Here we go again, just more transitions...oh well...

Renovating

My friend and I are painting the condo I am living in, as it is going to be sold. I never thought that the things that we are doing to renovate were going to be so simple, but the salesperson at the paint store was so helpful that things seemed like it was going to be manageable. I actually have to give most of the credit to my friend who has been such a big help and I don't think I would have been able to get through this week without him.

A big shout out to my friend, "Perhaps," he is the best friend ever! Ha Ha Ha...Anyway, keeping busy and hoping to find a place to live soon too.

Applying to Graduate

So, here I am I have this in the back of my head to apply for my grad since I found out about passing my last class. It has been so busy and today was the first day that I have had a moment to do anything for my self, and just my luck the deadline to apply to graduate is tomorrow, WOW!...so needless to say I made a good effort to get it in today, under the wire...Woo Hoo!

Anyway, What luck Eh!

Relief in Spades

So, I wrote my last final for my degree, and I just found out "I pass"...my official grade will come later, but for now the relief I feel can be tied up in one phrase "relief in spades."

I feel so set free emotionally, and so set free physically, and so set free with regards to my time and life in general. I had such plans and have such plans for the time I can now invest with everything even more for my son, and the time I can now invest in me...I can finally work on me, and healing me, and my world as it were.

This summer and all of its challenges and all of its frustration has come to a close and this part of my life is at its sunset, and I am not sad, but I am ecstatic to be able to move on and have this done. I have projects that have been put on hold and things to do for my son that I can now pour my energy into, and not to forget I can spend some time just investing in healing my own physical body more, and restoring my soul.

Sounds like a mouthful, or future full, but at this point, I see a new morning, a new horizon, and a new and better day, and right now that I have had at least 4 nights of good rest between me and the end of this long hard road I have taken a good breath, and feel like I can take the moment it actually takes to take that breath in slowly and really enjoy taking a good breath of air in and enjoy how my lungs feel...what a difference!

I can't captivate how I feel in words, but it is so good...and maybe that is how I should just state it simply...it is just so good.

Good Words for a Tired Soul...

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the
life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"

When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!"

All right, now that you're done reading, send it on!

I think everyone should read this! "When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could you get that for me?"

Protocol for Children's Birthdays

So, I was calling a few of the parents of my son's friends. Along the way I talked to a friend during this and they mentioned that "you will probably only invite the 4 year olds anyway right?"

I had not thought of that, since my son gets along with a wide range of children in the age group category. I actually just wrote down the names of the kids that he mentioned that he wanted there without thinking about how old they were.

Is there some unspoken protocol out there that says that you stick to your child's age group when planning a children's Birthday party? That was the question in my mind, and of course there must be somewhere, but I said to my friend that I had already invited the children that my son named and that did not mean they were 4 years old...

Actually, it doesn't matter to me and I know it does not matter to my son, so I guess we are outide of protocol on this one...I guess I just never knew and never thought there were expectations of anyone.

Doesn't matter though, I will be glad to welcome any of his friends who wish to celebrate with them even if they are not 4 years old.

Actually, he even has adults that he treasures and they are coming too, hummmmm, but I think they are not a part of the children's age protocol thing...at least I am not aware of it...

Funny thing, I think this is where my world (kinship society) and the mainstream just collide, and I choose not to follow the mainstream...

Anyway, it was interesting...

Smoovey Moves

Here is my son...just a dancing away, and having a blast, and he says "Mommy, Mommy, I have smoovey moves, and continues to do his little...smoovey move." I just about lost it I laughed so hard.

I wish I had taped him, it was such a great sight too see...

I luv my bundle of joy!

God Tells Me Not To Eat

So, I think it is humanity even when we are young to try to alude to the fact that God would be the one to tell us we are to do something or direct us, when in reality it is just us trying to convince ourselves or others that it is divne that we should do something.

So, here is my son today and anounces to me when I said that he needs to eat supper, "God Tells Me Not To Eat." He laughed and ran away, and I had to laugh, and then scold him and let him know that he should not tell me that in that way. It was a joke, and I had the small thought about it, and shook my head.

Little boys and their rationality, they are a treasure.
LOL

Birthday...

Well, my son's Birthday is coming up quickly, and I still haven't decided on how we are going to do this. LOL...I dunno, I guess the first thing is that I am narrowing down who he wants there. I know that he wants to see his Uncle Mushom and Auntie Kokum, but for the rest of it...I am semi prepared as I have all the gifts and accessories.

I guess I will sort the final details this weekend...my bad...this summer has just flown by...

Oh Well,

Research

I had to go to the University Bookstore yesterday to see if I could get a book, but alas it was not there...but I took another little adventure instead...which is my ritual when I end up there.

I went to look at the children's books, crafts, and other fun things they seem to stock. I picked up a puzzle for my son and some First Nations story books for him. It was great I get to read to my son and buy some books in order to research what is already out in the market for First Nations Children's books at the same time.

I sat down to read them all last night, and by the end I was so relaxed that I actually just wanted to go to bed. Isn't that the way a bedtime story should feel I thought to myself. A nice little story that makes you feel like you are relaxed and whole.

Anyway, food for thought...I will look around some more, and with my meanderings I will be able to read my son a few wonderful stories too...

Cree Prophecy

When all the trees have been cut down,

when all the animals have been hunted,

when all the waters are polluted,

when all the air is unsafe to breathe,

only then will you discover you cannot eat money.

Cree Prophecy

Little Ones today and Little Men tomorrow

I was reading my son a devotional for kids, and the simple lesson was that sometimes people do things they should not do, and we can't do anything about it, but what we can do is to choose to play with someone safer.

It was quite a simple lesson, and I liked it. As adults we choose the same thing, if someone is not good for us in our lives and they just get us in trouble we can choose to be with someone else who will make more positive impacts in our lives.

It is a small lesson now, but my 3 year old will be a 10 year old and my 10 year old will be a 14 and 16 year old when these choices become alot harder. It is easier for him to learn how making better choices now, than to suddenly only learn that for the first time when he is older. It is just like the lesson that what you put inside emotionally is what you will be emotionally.

My son doesn't know how to make those choices right now for himself about inputing things emotionally so that he will be a better little man, so that is my job as a parent to watch what is a positive for him and a negative. He reacts differently to different things because of his life experiences. It is sad that a three year old has already major experiences that impact him this deeply, but it does because of divorce. He is alright, but there are things that bother him that don't bother other kids just because of it. He will never watch Shrek because of it, and not entirely because of the cartoon itself but because of Shrek 3 really.

I had asked friends about the movie, but you know other kids don't go through the same thing as your own so you can't always know...but now I do...so I know better.

If I let him watch whatever and didn't care and never had any boundaries on what went into him I would end up with a whole load of behavioural problems. It would not just be a huge thing to deal with for me but it would also be a problem for my son, because he is not old enough to understand that what he is watching is what is causing him problems. My son would also have other issues at pre-school, which has happened from time to time, and I have done what I know how to do to help him through and make changes too. It is not anyone else's fault, but it is the environment that I allow and that environment that I have to correct after the fact at times that I have to work with, and lovingly do.

It is not a gift to our children to blame the world for their idiosyncracies, and teach them it is us against the world, because then it is a lesson that the they have a right to act poorly and to treat people poorly and that our children do not have a responsibility to be well themselves.

It is not a good lesson for success, so in my own small ways, I am glad for little stories that help me teach my son in a simple way that there are simple choices that we can make to make our lives better. To add to that it is up to me to help him make better choices and understand in small ways that if he is scared of something that he can say so, and not have to agree with anyone else just because and choose not to watch something too.

He will be a very understanding little man and a very sensitive one, and that is not bad, because he is my son and I understand that he gets some of the sensitivity from me so I have to help him manage that better too.

Life is a learning time, moment to moment to moment, and we are just the guides along the way, and the people responsible for helping to keep our little ones safe, the best we can...

Being Greatful

I have a friend from work who just had her baby 6 weeks ago, and they discovered that her little girl had complications. Today, her little one has gone through a major operation, and thankfully is doing extremely well for being put through something so hard.

I have heard about so many mothers recently that have gone through such hard times with their children because of ailment. It makes you appreciate the health that your child enjoys...

Life is fragile, and it is amazing every time I think about how blessed I am that my son is well...

New to Me

Well, around about May 4, 2007 my radiator blew up and my transmission cooked. I had gotten an oil change at one of those 10 minute places, and they checked my transmission fluid, and they did not put things back together properly. So, my truck would have costed $6000.00 to get fixed and I would have had to wait 3 weeks before I got it back, and I was in Calgary on a trip for work.

I was going to trade my 11 year old truck in after I was done paying for it, but to my dismay things happened. I made the decision to see if they had any used trucks that would be affordable for me to get instead. I thought if nothing else if I could not then I would rent one to get home.

I was fortunate to get a "new to me" vehicle (it is used). I have always felt that getting a used vehicle is to my advantage, because you will get it for half the price. So, that is what I did, and they refinanced what I had left on the old truck and helped me out. At the end of the day I was not dis-heartened but was glad that things worked out. My son and I were safe and things were not tragic and in the end I have a vehicle that is truly road worthy. My truck gave me some good safe years of driving, and it was unfortunate that I was not able to keep it for a couple more years. I liked that truck, but things do happen. My son misses the old truck more than I do though, he refers to it sometimes.

I had feedback from some wondering why I wasn't severely upset. I would have been truly upset if I had just bought the truck, but since it was 11 years old and seen its days and I had put so many miles on it I just felt I should let it go. If you have to put more money into the truck than its worth it is time to let go. Maybe that it a lesson for the rest of life too...LOL

Anyway, to my new sunroof, and CD Player, Tape machine and MP3 player in my truck...I don't see the need, but I guess it is standard in vehicles from this decade and someday I may even get around to using you, but for today, my son is the one who enjoys the sunroof even more than any of the adults who ride in the vehicle.

Kids and their toys...eh!

I know I have gotten a truly good deal when this truck gets to be 12 years old and I am still driving it wherever I need to be...!

Maybe I better wait to see how long my boyfriend keeps his vehicle, ...LOL

Anyway, enough analagies

Voices Passing Away

We had a staff meeting today, and someone told us of two First Nation Senators who passed away. The one was very vocal about First Nations youth working hard and making their own determination to make their way in this society. He was a very strong voice to inspire the youth to help them go forward and give themselves a positive future. The other Senator was a strong pillar in her First Nation and having her voice pass away will be something that the community she is from will miss very much.

I am going to a funeral tomorrow of my adopted sister's brother who was in his 40's. He was young, and had not finished cutting his positive pathway in life. It was a life cut abruptly short.

We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so today is all we are promised. Can we take care of what we are given? Can we be trusted to use the moments we have to leave a positive legacy behind that is so strong that it is felt when we are gone?

Nutritionist and Dietician

I had an appointment with a Nutritionist/Dietician, and found out that I am under-eating. It was something I don't know if I believe. Perhaps, it could be the case, but I suppose I am not the expert. I was informed that because of the way I under-eat it does not help my system.

I really don't have time to monitor the problem right now, so I am starting a program where the Nutitionist/Dietician will do that for me. Hopefully, this will help my health overall and help me to get back to my normal self again. I haven't been that for a few years now, and it is a priority for me to get back to who I am again.

It probably sounds trivial to some, but it is frustrating to me right now. I am hoping that it will also aleviate some stress that I feel because I will finally have positive help. I realize now that in order to succeed I need positive support that is genuinely there for my benefit, and without emotional punishment if I am having difficulty.

I know that I don't have to do it for anyone else but me...but right now I need to do this so that I am happy to be me again...

I don't really dwell on these things very much, because I am so driven and focussed on my son, work, and school right now. Yet, when school is done I want to be able to know that I have gotten somewhere with my health as well.

Disposable Society

I caught a bit of a show that my dad was watching today when I went home to get my son his dinner.

The show was on many things, but at the end of the day the basic question I had was "How much have we allowed society to become so disposable that there is no commitment to anything anymore?"

Society in its laws, and its emotional make-up and its support systems has become one that has built a foundation around the thought formula that "Don't let anyone feel badly for what they have done and don't let them feel remorse for the choices they make."

Each time I have read reports, and every time I hear about the way that courts make decisions, just supports these factors.

If we took one giant step back and evaluated what we have done and the decisions that we prefer, and evaluate it against what REALLY happens to children, youth, and to others I think we would suddenly question the celebration that everyone lives in where people live in a society where we "Don't let anyone feel badly for what they have done and don't let them feel TRUE remorse for the choices they make."

We become adults and suddenly what we lived through, becomes not so bad, because for some they pick up the baggage that parents left behind and passed on to the next generation who is us.

We at some point in our lives vowed that we would give something better to our children for their legacy, but at the end of the day as a society get caught up with, "Don't let anyone feel badly for what they have done and don't let them feel TRUE remore for the choices they make."

So, where does the cycle end? It ends with a choice knowing that it is ok to feel badly enough about bad choices and feel enough remorse to make a change that moves us this next generation away from the traps of the past and TRULY give our children a chance without abuse, addictions, and all of the negative things that caused us pain as children.

If society was not allowed to dispose of things so easily and had to face things instead, what would that look like?

What legacy would this create for those who count the most, our children who don't have a voice, because at the end of the day it is our children who have to truly endure our choices...

Personality Test

I took a test, and this was my evaluation, I think it was pretty close to who I feel I am:


Risk Averse (X), High Energy (A), Optimistic (O), Seeks Predictability (P)
The X in this profile is a very important factor and should usually, but not always, be a match. This person takes it slower in love, but is generally an intense kind of person. This means that even though this is a Type A kind of person, they are unlikely to be romantically impulsive. This person doesn't want a lot of dramatic dead-end love affairs rotating in and out of their life because of a head-over-heels number. This person wants serious relationships. Generally, this person knows what they like and is confident once they make up their mind, things have a very good chance of working out well. They want a person who has their approach to life in general, a relationship built around friends, favorite places and monogamy.

Flexible, Compromiser, Temperate, Extrovert
This person is the universal connector. They get along with just about everyone, except possibly a serious introvert, if they are an extreme extrovert. But, they will do well with almost anyone, except someone looking for a highly structured life with a dominating type who will direct the relationship. This person might enjoy someone who is a bit more intense and more dominant than them. They are flexible enough to meet the challenge! In any case, this person has the tools to be a great partner: They are not insecure in relationships, like to work with someone on creating a life together, don't get upset easily, seek intimacy and open up their heart to a partner. What's not to love? This person has to be careful to not let the occasional dominating kind of person mistake their good will for weakness.

It was an interesting test to say the least, some of the questions seemed a bit odd, but I guess every test has its querks.

Anyway, I don't know that I agree with all the assumptions, but much of it makes sense.

But that is what you get when you do tests that are prepared to be taken by so many...

Bell's Palsy

WHAT IS BELL'S PALSY?
Bells palsy is a condition that causes the facial muscles to weaken or become paralyzed. It's caused by trauma to the 7th cranial nerve, and is not permanent.

My dad was experiencing stroke like symptoms since Friday, and when he finally went to the doctor and told me what is happening the doctor told him that it might be a minor stroke or Bell's Palsy. The doctor said that he hoped it was Bell's Palsy as it is minor and the damage is recoverable for most of what is suffered.

It is a virus in the brain stem, and causes the symptoms stated above. The symptoms are more extensive than the description above, and it takes anywhere from weeks to 18 months to recover.

My son was very worried when my dad had to leave for a few days awhile ago, and the extent of how much that upset him flooded back to me when the doctor said his first priority was to rule out a stroke. My son could not take something this hard at this time, but we are extremely relieved that it is something recoverable and that it is not life threatening at this time.

I made sure that my son was not aware of what was going on, as I knew that it would scare him too much. My son doesn't like the doctor or the hospital anymore as it has taken too many people that he dearly loved from him. I am still working on him to help him understand that doctors and hospitals are not just a place where your loved ones just go away forever.

My son doesn't let me go too far anymore, and I still re-assure him that I am alright and I will always be there for him. It is such a big thing for him to have to work through, and at best I don't try to make him understand, it is more about allowing him to feel what he is going through and let him know it is alright.

He is a very strong little boy, and I just want him to have some relief from things that are not a child's to have to endure. It is the reason why I help him through things the way I do, I don't expect him to be forced to understand or carry adult problems, but allow him to feel what he needs to and know that I am here when he wants to get through the emotions he needs too.

He is still able to be a child that way, and I feel he is able to have a childhood that way too.

Pre-School Graduation

Well, I wasn't given very many details just a little note with a few sentences on it saying that my son would need to wear black pants, white shirt, and a black tie as he was to be paticipating in the Pre-School Graduation on June 3, 2007. So, as any good mother would I commenced the hunt to find a little black tie and a white shirt, because you just don't buy a white shirt for my son's age it just won't stay white. Anyway, so I commenced the hunt, and at first I wasn't certain I would find what I needed but alas I did. My son was sooooooo excited to pick out a couple of belts too and feel like a real little man. So in the excitement I bought him a couple of little suit jackets too, just becuase he was so enthralled with dressing up so...

It was alot of fun, I told my boyfriend about it, and I could hear how proud he was of my son too. It was a great moment.

The day was stressful for other reasons, but putting those things aside my son did so well and I am so proud of him. At two moments he could have chosen to cry, but instead he was my brave little man and listened so well and got through everything he was directed to do by his teachers.

It is moments like these that will be bitter sweet for the rest of our lives, perhaps one day the bitter part will be so little though that the sweet part will override the stressful parts.

We watched the video and the only thing that my son kept saying the whole time was "where are you in the movie mommy?" I thought he would have focussed on other things, and I kept assuring him that I was taking his picture, and right there too. I am not sure why he worries so...I am always there, perhaps it is his way of just making sure...

I thought about having someone take out picture together after it was all over but it had started to rain and I barely got a picture of my son holding his little Graduation Certificate for the year and getting him to smile for me too. Oh, well, there are other days, and we had a nice day after the rain stopped, we spent the day outside getting him to learn how to pedal his bike properly.

Freedom Writers

"Freedom Writers" is based on a true story, and I just finished watching it today on my day off. It was very well done and moving. It supported what I have known about people, sometimes you have to bring the truth to them in an unappologetic way and then once you get a place to start a commitment to change can happen.

It was a real story about how the world really changes, we make a choice, make the commitment and put as I put it "feet to our prayers."

It is not just words or prayers that change the world and move this generation it is also action.

It was truly a good movie.

Rent it, and Watch it.